Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Some Movies Belong In Theaters (MI: Ghost Protocol)

I was going to write a long review of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, which I have finally got around to watching on Netflix. It was going to cover the roles of female characters in such clearly male dominated franchises as Mission Impossible, and perhaps even delve into the weirdness that is Tom Cruise and his career.

And I could still do that. But I’m not going to, because watching that movie made me realize something very important.

Some movies just really are not meant to be watched on a thirteen inch laptop.

It sounds really superficial to say, but it’s totally true. I could not get into this film. I was bored, confused, and frequently caught myself trying to change windows just so I could browse through tumblr while the movie was still playing. It just couldn’t hold my interest. I’m not even entirely sure of what the plot was.

I don’t say this as a kind of angry rampage against action movies or anything. If my reviews of Bourne Legacy and Witch Hunters have said anything, I would hope they made that clear. I really like action movies. There’s something satisfying about watching a building go boom.

But I don’t like movies I don’t understand. Now, Mission Impossible is starting out with a handicap here, because I’ve never particularly understood those movies. The last one, Mission Impossible III really only exacerbated my issues by creating a weird macguffin and trying to spew science at the audience until it “made sense”. Which it didn’t ever.

So I went into this movie not really thinking that I would get it, and not really trying to. For those of you interested, and those looking for a good laugh, this is what I’m pretty sure the movie was about…

Ethan (Tom Cruise) is in prison because he got mad and killed some people who didn’t actually kill his wife but we’re supposed to think they did. He’s rescued in an unnecessarily complex way by Paula Patton, Simon Pegg and eventually Jeremy Renner, all of whom presumably have character names that I have never learned.

Together, our wonder team has to work without the resources of the IMF for reasons that presumably were explained but did not affect the plot whatsoever. They’re looking for nuclear launch codes, I think, that were stolen by somebody and then sold to somebody else and there was a car chase in a sandstorm that’s really all I got.

In fact, that’s really all I got for the rest of the movie. I remember the action set pieces, of course, because it’s hard to forget things that involved jet turbines and robots, but I have absolutely no idea what purpose the scenes served in the overall story. I just understood them as action for action’s sake.

Really, this is my problem with a lot of movies. You see, big set piece action sequences are fun. They’re fun to write and they’re fun to film, and they’re fun to watch on a big screen when you’re in the darkened movie theater, nomming on popcorn and screaming with joy when something surprises you. But they absolutely suck when you’re watching them at home, on a laptop, by yourself, while eating salad.

So while a movie that is based almost exclusively around action scenes and the setup for the action scenes can do very well in theater, and be incredibly enjoyable in the theaters, which are more immersive and create a more intense movie-going experience, when they come to the home viewer, they need something more than effects and action to be considered good.

Movies like Mission Impossible aren’t intended for a home audience, and largely that’s fine. I get that they plan on making all their money back off of the ticket sales, and I respect that choice.

What I don’t respect is that they didn’t bother to make the plot worth following. There was no sense to the plot, no real cohesion. Without the adrenaline from the set pieces, we were left with some anemic characters and a plot that didn’t make a lot of sense. I wanted to like this movie. I love most of the actors in it (I respect Tom Cruise, but love is a little too strong a word), and I wanted to enjoy some mindless action. Unfortunately the action was too mindless. There’s a balance to be found, and it just wasn’t there.

But, I’ll probably watch the sequel. In theaters.

Jeremy Renner had better be in it.


  1. I have read your article, it is very informative and helpful for me.I admire the valuable information you offer in your articles. Thanks for posting it.. https://watch4hd.com/

    1. That is exactly what I want to say, the article is really useful for my crazy fans like me, can watch more interesting movies at apkrapido

  2. I just couldn't leave your website before telling you that I truly enjoyed the top quality info you present to your visitors? Will be back again frequently to check up on new posts. megashare9 movies

  3. Thanks for sharing this quality information with us. I really enjoyed reading. Will surely going to share this URL with my friends. watch whole movies for free online

  4. I have bookmarked your blog, the articles are way better than other similar blogs.. thanks for a great blog! 123movies.one

  5. This is a fantastic website , thanks for sharing. convert psd to wordpress theme

  6. Watch movies free on megashare9 now. Solo: A Star Wars Story is a Star Wars Star spin-off movie about the youth of famous Han Solo (Alden Ehrenreich). Han Solo has won the legendary Millennium Falcon from Lando Calrissian (who has been in the business for more than a decade). Donald Glover). However, Solo actually left many questions, because many sources claim that Lucasfilm and Disney intend to make a trilogy of characters.

    Qi'ra wants to hide something ?: When Han Qi'ra (Emilia Clarke) reunites, their fate has changed a lot since the moment they were separated at the beginning of the film. The thief Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson) repeatedly told Han that his ex-girlfriend had done all sorts of bad things, and Qi'ra said the same thing to the main character. But what she really did was a mystery. Qi'ra is indebted to Dryden Vos (Paul Bettany) for a large sum, with the Crimson Dawn on his wrist. And a deal finally made her unable to leave with Han Solo at the end. And Qi'ra's creditor turned out to be Darth Maul (Ray Park).

    See more:

    Watch movies free on yidio
    Watch movies free on watch32

  7. That appears to be excellent however i am still not too sure that I like it. At any rate will look far more into it and decide personally! promotional video production

  8. Really a great addition. I have read this marvelous post. Thanks for sharing information about it. I really like that. Thanks so lot for your convene. best house music mastering

  9. i really like this article please keep it up. film streaming

  10. Great content material and great layout. Your website deserves all of the positive feedback it’s been getting. Bogobeats

  11. Thanks for the blog post buddy! Keep them coming... fmovie

  12. I must show my affection for your kindness supporting men who actually need assistance with this particular area. Your personal commitment to passing the solution up and down appears to be exceptionally useful and have continually encouraged ladies like me to reach their pursuits. This interesting recommendations indicates this much to me and even more to my office workers. With thanks; from all of us. 123movies

  13. لديها كل الإمكانيات والوسائل الحديثة للقضاء على الخرف أخيرًا ، مع رش المبيدات الحشرية بمكة المكرمة وداع الخرف من دون عودة ، واجعل منزلك خاليًا من الخرف وأقل الأسعاشركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالقصيم
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالقصيم
    شركة رش مبيدات بالقصيم
    ارخص شركة مكافحة حشرات

  14. Great article with excellent idea!Thank you for such a valuable article. I really appreciate for this great information.. it chapter two movie (2019) watch online

  15. I am glad you take pride in what you write. This makes you stand way out from many other writers that push poorly written content. continue reading this..

  16. howdy, your websites are really good. I appreciate your work. Watch Frozen 2 (2019) Free Streaming

  17. This is a great post. I like this topic.This site has lots of advantage.I found many interesting things from this site. It helps me in many ways.Thanks for posting this again. download albums free

  18. This is a smart blog. I mean it. You have so much knowledge about this issue, and so much passion. You also know how to make people rally behind it, obviously from the responses. watch hindi movies online

  19. Please continue this great work and I look forward to more of your awesome blog posts. https://t.me/s/disneyplusaccountgenerator

  20. Don’t focus on having a great blog. Focus on producing a blog that’s great for your readers.

  21. Finally reached the Apex of Standardized Suckitude.

  22. Great topic - but I suggest you another good for movies - because those are too slow man. Try Bemovies

  23. You should consider Bmovies if you really want to do something with online free movies. Enjoy